The Dark Side

I once heard a performer say "when I am sad, I write songs, when I am happy -- I play golf."

For many, creativity can be a tool to help us deal with negative and unhappy feelings. Sometimes they become so entangled together, that an artist can feel overwhelmed. When I was a teenager -- it was a horrible time in my life. My emotions were negative and my thinking was muddled. I was melancholy and spaced-out at school and crabby, weepy and disrespectful at home. My interior life was scary. I held high expectations on myself and others. I failed my own tests and no one else passed either. I was self-destructive and alone, and so very unhappy. I did find a measure of peace in making art, although so much of my subject matter and feelings expressed came from an unhappy place. Later in my twenties, I went back to school to study "Fine Art", I already had a "commercial art" degree, but I thought the "purity" of fine art would somehow be more heroic and more important. Things emotionally were still messy, but a bit better. The problem came with finding subject matter for my canvases. My interior self was so unpleasant and unhappy, spending time trying to communicate from that place got harder and harder. I could feel myself wanting to leave that dark place, and for a long, long time I left painting behind with it.

Now I see my son in that unhappy-teenage place. It is horrible to see your child visit that place of darkness.... Please pray for Shepherd Ezra Beerhorst...                                               self-portrait by Shepherd Beerhorst

 

Comments

[ThreeSheepStudio]

Hi Karen...
After reading that your son started in Public school, I have been wondering how he is doing.

I am sad to hear that he is having some struggles.
The teenage years can be difficult to maneuver.
I will pray for Shepherd.
Rose

[Patrice]

Praying for Shepherd. Hoping his heart and head get entangled in the vision God has for his life. These all too real and all too scary teenage years may teach him how to hold on to "The Compass" and navigate and not capsize his precious soul. May God fill the vessels of your heart with wisdom, compassion and grace. The mother and son relationship is a very fragile creature, may it only be tamed by the deep bonds of love that surely you have already nurtured throughout the years.
With Love,
Patrice

[Brenda Beerhorst]

Thank you Rose and Patrice....

[Rick Beerhorst]

So well written Brenda. I appreciate that we have this forum to share our story. That self portrait is really an excellent drawing! I am thankful Shep has that outlet available.

[Alice]

Brenda ~ we have to ask and you've asked us ~ I will definitely pray for your precious son! Keep us posted and somehow convince him that he's not alone!!!